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CONTROLLED BY LOVE
A. Introduction: Before God created the world, He had a plan in mind for each of us—a plan that is bigger
than where we live, work, or go to church. God’s plan for us is that we become His sons and daughters,
who live in loving relationship with Him, as we reflect Him to the world around us. Eph 1:4-5; Eph 1:12
1. Almighty God has a specific standard for His sons and daughters. God wants sons and daughters
who are like Christlike—like Jesus in character and behavior.
a. Jesus is the pattern for God’s family. Rom 8:29—For God knew his people in advance, and
chose them to become like his Son (NLT); to bear the family likeness of his Son (J. B. Phillips).
b. Jesus is God become fully man without ceasing to be fully God. Two thousand years ago Jesus
incarnated (took on a human nature) and born into this world to die as a sacrifice for sin. By
doing so, He opened the way for sinful men and women to be restored to God’s family and their
created purpose. Heb 2:14-15; I Pet 3:18
c. While on earth, Jesus, in His humanity, modeled the kind of character and behavior that God
wants from His sons and daughters. In our current series we are talking about what it means to
be Christlike and how we become Christlike. We have more to say in tonight’s lesson.
2. Paul the apostle was an eyewitness of Jesus. Paul wrote fourteen of the New Testament documents.
Jesus personally taught Paul the message he preached and wrote about. Gal 1:11-12
a. Note what Paul wrote: Eph 5:1-2—Therefore, be imitators of God—copy Him and follow His
example—as well-beloved children [imitate their father] (Amp). Your life must be controlled
by love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself for us (GNB). Notice these several points.
1. We are to imitate God, our Father. He created us in His image and likeness (Gen 1:26).
The idea in the original language is imager—we’re supposed to image God to the world.
2. Jesus, as a man, imaged or reflected the God the Father. Jesus was able to say, if you’ve
seen me, you’ve seen the Father, not because Jesus is the Father, but because Jesus showed
or modeled God the Father through His character and behavior. John 14:9-10
A. In the context of imitating our Father, Paul wrote that our lives must be controlled by
love. Remember that all of God’s commands are summed up this statement: Love God
with all your heart, mind, and soul. And love your neighbor as yourself. Matt 22:37-40
B. This love is not a feeling. It is an action. To love God means to obey Him, obey His
moral Law, His standard of right and wrong, as it is stated in His written Word, the Bible.
To love people means to treat them as you wish to be treated. John 14:21; Matt 7:12
3. Jesus commands us to lay down our lives for each other as expressions of love, just as He
Himself did (John 15:12-13). Few of us will ever have to literally die for another person.
What we face is having to restrain ourselves when we want to lash out at someone who has
hurt us, offended or annoyed us. But love chooses not to treat people that way.
b. Jesus made it clear that this love is to be directed, not just at people we like, but to all people.
1. Matt 5:44-45—Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way you
will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the
evil and the good and sends rain on the just and the unjust, too (NLT).
2. Matt 5:46-48—If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even corrupted tax
collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from
everyone else (NLT). But you must always act like your Father in heaven (CEV); For He is
kind to the unthankful and the evil (Luke 6:36, NKJV).
B. This seems like an impossible standard, because we all know people who are very difficult to be around,
people who have hurt or harmed us in some way, and people we just don’t like. How can we possibly

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act like Jesus as we interact with people like that?
1. In the last two lesson we’ve made the point that key to getting control and making changes in the
way we treat people is changing how we think about people and how we talk about people.
a. We need to recognize that every human being is created in the image of God and is loved by
Him. Each person is created to become God’s son or daughter—just like me.
b. And we need to talk to ourselves about people in those terms. We need to remind ourselves: I
may not like or agree with that person, but that person matters to God and has value to Him.
c. When we talk about how stupid that person is, how rude they are, how ridiculous their clothes
are (etc., etc.), we desensitize ourselves to their worth and value to God. And that makes it
much easier to treat them in ways that we don’t want to be treated.
2. Also important in interacting with people is recognizing the role that emotions and thoughts play.
Thoughts and emotions are part of who we are as human beings, but they can give us a lot of trouble.
a. We’ve made the point that all human beings are all born with a corruption in our makeup which
we inherited from Adam. This corruption inclines us to exalt ourselves above God and other
people. It inclines us to selfishness. We put our ourselves above God and others. Isa 53:6
b. All of us have an inward and outward part to our makeup—an inward portion (made of spirit)
and an outward portion (made of flesh). II Cor 4:16
1. Our bodies have involuntary needs and desires—hunger, sleep, sex. These desires aren’t
evil, but they are corrupted—I want what I want when I want it. I never say no to me.
When we indulge those desires they strengthen and are harder to say no to.
2. We also have emotional and intellectual capacities—I think, I feel. Part of these capacities
work by intention. I can choose to think or focus my attention on something. But I also
find that thoughts fly through my mind without me willing or wanting them.
A. Emotions are spontaneous reactions to people and events around us. You can’t will
yourself to feel or not feel something. Emotional reactions themselves are not sinful, but
can drive us to sin. I must intentionally control my emotions, thoughts and actions.
B. Before we surrender to the Lord, all of our actions are driven by our thoughts, emotions
and body. Eph 2:3—In the past all of us lived like them (those who haven’t surrendered
to the Lord), trying to please our sinful (selfish) selves, and doing all the things our
bodies and minds wanted (NCV).
3. When our emotions are aroused, spontaneous thoughts begin to fly, and we start talking to ourselves.
We go over and over what has happened and how we feel. We feed our thoughts and emotions, by
the way we talk and then we act accordingly—often in ungodly ways.
a. The main way we get control of this automatic emotional and mental process is with our mouth.
James 3:2—We all make many mistakes, but those who control their tongues can also control
themselves in every other way (NLT).
1. All of us need an SOS phrase—a Sight on Savior phrase—that we can use in the moment to
help us get control of our mind, and ultimately our emotions and behavior. An SOS phrase
is simply a few words—Help me Lord; you are with me Lord; praise you Lord.
2. When you speak your SOS phrase, you interrupt the automatic process of thoughts, emotions,
and behavior, because you can’t say one thing and think something completely different.
b. This is more than a little trick or technique. When you do this, you are choosing God’s way
instead of your own way. You are surrendering to Him and choosing to exercise self-control.
And He is now in you by His Spirit to help you.
1. God created us to be dependent beings. His plan has always been to indwell us by His Spirit
and life, and we then live in dependence on Him. But sin cut us off from the life in God.
2. When we repent and believe on Jesus, God cleanses us of the guilt of sin and indwells us by

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His Spirit and uncreated eternal life. Christianity is more than a system of beliefs. It is an
organic, living relationship with our Creator through union with Him.
3. The Bible uses several word pictures to help us understand this union. One of those is that
of a Vine and a branch. Jesus is the Vine and we are the branches. John 15:5
A. Through faith in Jesus we are united to the life in Him. God the Holy Spirit is now in us
to help us develop Christlike character traits. Fruit is outward evidence of the life
within. The fruits of the Spirit mentioned in Gal 5:22-23 are all character traits.
B. Salvation is the complete restoration and transformation of human nature (everything that
makes me, me) by the power of the Holy Spirit, on the basis of Jesus’ sacrificial death.
C. Let’s go back to Paul’s passage which we quoted earlier in the lesson: Eph 5:1-2—Therefore, be
imitators of God—copy Him and follow His example—as well-beloved children [imitate their father]
(Amp). Your life must be controlled by love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself for us (GNB).
1. This statement opens with the word therefore. The word therefore indicates that what Paul is about
to say is based on things he has just said. Let’s look at what Paul said to set up his statement about
imitating our Father and loving people as Jesus did, to help us get the context. Eph 4:22-32
a. Eph 4:22-24—Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt
through sinful desires, and (ESV) be made new in the attitude of your minds…put on the new
self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness (NIV).
1. In several of his epistles Paul talks about putting off the old self or old man and putting on
the new self or new man. The old self (man) is me cut off from Christ. The new self (man)
is me united to Christ, through faith in Him—me as a branch of the Vine.
2. Paul instructs Christians to put off the old man and put on the new man. To put on can be
used literally or figuratively. It means to clothe, cover completely, envelop. To put off
means to put away, or stop doing what you are doing.
b. This a figurative way of saying we need to change the way we live to reflect our commitment to
Jesus—and our thinking must change.
1. Eph 4:22-24—You must give up your old way of life with all its habits. Let the Spirit
change your way of thinking and make you into a new person. You were created to be like
God, and so you must please him and be truly holy (CEV).
2. The Holy Spirit is now in us to help us change. He works primarily though the Bible.
God’s written word functions as a mirror. It shows us ourselves—the good and the bad—so
that we can change our actions and attitudes by the Holy Spirit’s power in us. II Cor 3:18
2. Paul then listed specific behavioral changes we must make: Eph 4:25-29—Put away lying, each
one speak truth with his neighbor…Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your
wrath (NKJV); for anger gives a might foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, stop stealing.
Begin using your hands for honest work and then give generously to others in need (NLT). Do not
use harmful words in talking. Use only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is
needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you (GNB); will be an encouragement
to those who hear them (NLT). Note these points:
a. Paul knew that becoming a Christian doesn’t automatically make a person Christlike. It is a
process. When we believe on Jesus we are cleansed of the guilt of sin (forgiven). But we still
have thoughts, motives, and behaviors that are contrary to God’s standard of right and wrong.
Those must be exposed and dealt with. So Paul told Christians: Don’t lie, don’t steal, etc.
1. And, Paul acknowledged that we still have emotional reactions, and that emotions in and of
themselves aren’t sinful. But they must be controlled.
2. Anger isn’t sinful. But anger must be controlled and dealt with quickly before it turns to

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rage, before it drives you to sin. (If, in your anger, you do or say something to someone that
you wouldn’t want done to you, you have sinned.)
b. Paul exhorted them to watch their words and make sure they are helpful and not harmful. Do
you ever think about how your words or actions affect the people around you? You should.
3. Then Paul makes this statement: Eph 4:30—And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you
were sealed for the day of redemption (NKJV).
a. The standard for Christian behavior that is laid out in the Bible can seem overwhelming, since
we all fall short. This is why we need to understand the big picture and our destiny.
b. At that time, seals were place on many things to indicate ownership, security, and destination.
Paul uses this word figuratively to indicate that you belong to God, you are secure in Him, and
you are headed toward a destination: Eph 4:30—The Spirit is God’s mark of ownership on you,
a guarantee that the Day will come when God will set you free (GNB).
c. In light of the big picture and your created purpose and destiny, there is a certain way that you
should life. Live in obedience to Him, but also live with the awareness that you belong to Him.
1. We need to live with the awareness that we are finished works in progress, fully God’s sons
and daughters, but not yet fully like Jesus in character and behavior. However, we belong to
Him, and He will finish the work He has begun in us. I John 3:2; Phil 1:6
2. Remember also that a parent doesn’t expect a five-year old to act like a twenty five-year old.
But he does expect him to act like a five-year old.
d. What does it mean to grieve the Holy Spirit? Grieve is from a Greek word that means sorrow—
Do not make God’s Holy Spirit sad (GNB). Note that it says sad, not mad.
4. Note Paul’s last statement before he urges us to love as Jesus loved: Get rid of all bitterness, rage,
anger, harsh words, and slander (misrepresentations that damage someone’s reputation), as well as
all types of malicious (purposefully hurtful) behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, just as God through Christ, has forgiven you (Eph 4:31-32, NLT).
a. We could do entire lessons on each of these emotions and behaviors. But note these points:
Kind means what is useful, beneficial. Tenderhearted means compassionate (sorrow aroused by
the suffering of others). Forgive means to give up the right to retaliate and get revenge.
b. All of these are actions, expressions of love for God and love for your fellow man—you obey
God’s standard of right and wrong and you treat others as you want to be treated.
D. Conclusion: Jesus, our example, got angry and frustrated with people, but never sinned. John 2:24-25
—Jesus knew what people were really like. No one needed to tell him about human nature (NLT)
1. Jesus saw past our fallenness to what men and women were created to be and what we can become
through salvation—through being reunited with our Creator and the life in Him.
a. Jesus had compassion for fallen people: When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them,
because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd (Matt 9:36, ESV).
b. Mark 10:17-27—A rich young man came to Jesus, asking what he should do to inherit eternal
life. Jesus replied, keep God’s commandments, to which he answered: I’ve done that.
1. Jesus told him: You lack one thing; sell what you have, give to the poor, take up your cross
and follow me. “(but) he went sadly away because he had many possessions” (v21, NLT).
2. The man’s problem wasn’t his money, it was his trust in his money rather than in God. Note
one point: Jesus felt genuine love for this man as he looked at him (v21, NLT).
2. If we will change the way we think and talk about people, if we get control of our thoughts and
emotions, we will grow in Christlikeness.
3. Jesus is in us by His Spirit to help us grow in love as we cooperate with Him. Let’s shoot for the
stars and get halfway there, rather than continue to aim for the lamppost and hit it. More next week!