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CHANGE HOW YOU SEE AND TALK ABOUT PEOPLE
A. Introduction: Almighty God created human beings to become His sons and daughters through faith in
Jesus. Jesus, through His death on the Cross, opened the way for sinful men and women to be restored
to God as His sons and daughters. God wants sons and daughters who are Christlike. I John 2:6
1. Jesus, in His humanity, is the pattern for God’s family. In this series we’re talking about what it
means to be like Jesus and how we become Christlike in our character and behavior. Rom 8:29,
a. When Jesus was on earth, He summed up the kind of character and behavior that God wants
from His sons and daughters in one statement: Love God with all your heart, mind, and soul.
And love your neighbor as yourself. All the other commands, and all the demands of the
prophets, are based on these two commandments (Matt 22:37-40, NLT).
1. To love God means to obey His moral law—His standard of right and wrong—as it is
revealed in the Bible. To love people means to treat others as you want to be treated.
2. This love is not a feeling, it’s an action. It is a love that thinks: How does God want me to
behave. And, and how would I want to be treated if I were the other person in this situation?
b. This love isn’t automatic for human beings because it is contrary to human nature. Due to the
sin of Adam (first man), all people are born with a corruption that inclines us toward selfishness.
1. We naturally put ourselves above God and other people. We exalt ourselves. When our
will conflicts with God’s will and standard, we choose our own way. And, when we want
something, if necessary, we put ourselves above others to get our way.
2. This corruption, this inclination, expresses itself in self-centeredness, selfishness, and pride.
Pride is an overly high opinion of oneself, an exaggerated or excessive self-esteem.
2. We pointed out in an early lesson that even though we are sincerely committed to Jesus, and
basically good people, we find that we still have unChristlike behaviors and character traits seem to
come up automatically.
a. We still have habits and desires that lead us to violate God’s standard of right and wrong. And
we still treat people in ways that we would not want to be treated. We’re still focused on self.
b. Ridding ourselves of these behaviors and traits isn’t easy because we have lifelong habits built
up. It takes time and effort to build new habits, to develop Christlike behaviors and responses.
c. When we commit ourselves to Jesus, God the Holy Spirit comes into us to help us develop selfcontrol as we learn to obey God and treat others as we want to be treated. Phil 2:12-13
1. We have a part to play in this process. We must learn to follow the Holy Spirit’s leading as
He works in us. The main way He leads, guides, and changes us is through the Bible.
2. Key to growing in Christlikeness as we read the Bible and the Holy Spirit works in us,
changing the way we think and talk about people, since the way we think and talk about them
affects how we treat them. That’s our focus in tonight’s lesson.
B. Paul the apostle urged Christians: Don’t be selfish, don’t live to make a good impression on others.
Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be
(not feel) interested in others, too, and what they are doing. Your attitude should be the same that
Christ Jesus had (Phil 2:3-5, NLT).
1. Note, that in the context of how we should treat people, Paul made reference to how we think about
others. The Greek word that is translated attitude means to have a particular mindset or attitude.
a. Paul said that we are to have the same mindset as Jesus. Then Paul wrote that Jesus humbled
Himself and became a man, and further humbled Himself by dying on the cross. Phil 2:6-8
1. While Jesus was on earth, He said the same thing about Himself, and urged men and women
to seek to be like Him: Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle (meek)

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and lowly in heart (humble) (Matt 11:29, ESV).
2. Humility literally means lowliness of mind. Humility recognizes its true relation to God and
to others. Meekness literally means gentleness. It is the choice to control your reactions,
especially toward others. It is the opposite of self-assertiveness and self-interest.
b. You cannot relate to God your Father or to other people the way that the Lord wants, if you
aren’t meek and humble. Both humility and meekness are attitudes which come from how you
see God, yourself, and other people. These attitudes are then expressed through your actions.
1. Humility and meekness come from realizing that without God I am nothing (Gal 4:6), I have
nothing (I Cor 4:17), I know nothing (I Cor 8:2), and I can do nothing (John 15:5).
2. Humility and meekness come out of recognizing that every human being is created in the
image of God, and is known and loved by Him—even in their fallen condition. Each is
created to become God’s son or daughter and bear the family likeness of Jesus, just like you
3. Humility and meekness come from understanding that you are a servant of God and a servant
of your fellow man, and that a servant desires the good, the well-being of the ones they serve.
c. The problem is, because of the corruption in human nature, we automatically put ourselves above
others. And we don’t recognize selfishness or pride in ourselves because it’s so normal for us.
We truly don’t see that we lack humility and meekness in regard to God and other people.
2. Sometimes it’s easier to understand what something is by first looking at what it isn’t. Let’s look at
an example of attitude and behavior that isn’t humble, that isn’t humility. Luke 18:9-14
a. Jesus told a parable about a Pharisee and a tax collector who went to the Temple to pray. Jesus
told it to “people who thought they were better than others and who looked down on everyone
else” (CEV); who “had great self-confidence and scorned everyone else” (Luke 18:9, NLT).
1. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like
everyone else, especially that tax collector over there (Luke 18:11, NLT). Then he listed all
his righteous activities: I don’t cheat, sin, or commit adultery. I fast twice a week and tithe.
2. The tax collector stood at a distance and dared not lift up his eyes to heaven as he prayed…he
beat his chest in sorrow saying, God, be merciful to me for I am a sinner (Luke 18:13, NLT).
b. Jesus called what the Pharisee did pride or self-exaltation and what the tax collector did humility.
1. The tax collector recognized his true condition before God and his need for mercy. The
Pharisee was unaware of his true condition and gloried in his acts of righteousness.
2. The Pharisee’s attitude toward his fellow man was: I am better than him because I’m not
like him. That’s pride, that’s exalting self.
3. We don’t recognize pride in ourselves because we think of pride as bragging about ourselves: I’m
not proud. I never brag about myself. In fact, I’m hard on myself because of my shortcomings.
a. It’s true that most of us don’t necessarily brag about ourselves, but we do see ourselves as better
than others, because we don’t do what they do—we aren’t like them. Jesus called that pride.
b. We made the point recently that we live in a culture that constantly criticizes people. Our
culture gives us permission to talk about people we don’t know and make negative comments
and determinations about their character and motivation.
1. Do you look at people and assess them from a place of superiority: Thank God I’m not that
stupid—I’d never dress like that, think like that, or act like that person. That’s what the
Pharisee did. But to fallen human nature, if someone is worse than me, then I am elevated.
2. Thinking and talking about people in this way desensitizes us to the value that people have to
God. And it feeds attitudes in us that aren’t Christlike. If you see yourself as better than
other people, it becomes easy to exalt yourself over others and treat them in unkind ways.
c. We need to see people as valuable to God, as people who needs mercy and grace—just like us.
This doesn’t mean that you have to like or agree with everyone and what they do. Agreement

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and like come out of similarities, but you can and must love people you don’t like or agree with.
1. The love we’re to love others with treats them as we want to be treated. Do you want people
thinking and talking about you the way that you sometimes think and talk about someone?
2. Paul wrote in I Cor 13:7—Love…is every ready to believe the best of every person (Amp).
What if you started talking to yourself about that person like this: Maybe I had a better
upbringing than them, and they don’t know any better. Maybe she’s are doing the best she
can under the circumstances. Maybe I’d be worse if I was in their situation.
C. Consider an example where pride and lack of meekness, combined with feelings, thoughts, and emotions
produced ungodly results. I Sam 25 records an incident in the life of David, one of Israel’s great kings.
1. David had been anointed the next king of Israel while King Saul was still on the throne. King Saul
became jealous of David and pursued him relentlessly, trying to kill him. David and men loyal to
him were hiding out in a wilderness region called Paran.
a. While in Paran, David and his men interacted with shepherds who worked for a man named
Nabal. David’s men protected the shepherds and their sheep from bandits and predators.
b. When the shepherds went home to shear the sheep, David sent a message to Nabal: Peace and
blessing to you. Your shepherds were with us for a time and we were good to them. They can
verify our story. Now, we are asking for any provisions that you can supply. I Sam 25:6-8
2. This was an appropriate cultural request. Sheep-shearing was a festive time of celebration and
sharing, Nabal was a wealthy man, and helping others was part of the Law of Moses. Lev 19:18
a. Nabal’s reply was: Who is this fellow David…Who does this son of Jesse think he is? (I’m
better than him). There are lots of servants these days who run away from their masters.
Should I take my bread and water and the meat I’ve slaughtered for my shepherds and give it to
a band of outlaws who come from who knows where (I Sam 25:10-11, NLT).
b. Nabal exalted himself. He ignored God’s Law, as well as easily verifiable facts. He wrongly
judged David and his motives. He was completely self-focused: my work, my bread, my meat.
c. David’s reaction was equally self-focused. When the messengers returned with Nabal’s answer
David was ready to fight. He told his men: Get your swords! And he and four hundred men
took off, headed for Nabal and his household. That’s not meekness. That’s not self-control.
1. Note how David talked to himself: I Sam 25:21-22—A lot of good it did to help this fellow.
We protected his flocks in the wilderness, and nothing he owned was lost or stolen. But he
repaid me evil for good. May God deal with me severely if even one man of his household
is still alive tomorrow morning (NLT). David fed his anger by the way he talked to himself.
2. Note that, in his anger over being disrespected, he planned to kill every man in the household
—men who had nothing to do with Nabal’s actions (possibly the very shepherds he helped).
3, Some of Nabal’s servants went to Abigail, Nabal’s wife, and told her how he had insulted David and
his men. The servants told Abigail that David and his men protected them in the wilderness. They
warned her: You better do something right now or there’s will be trouble. I Sam 25:14-17
a. She quickly assembled provisions and sent them on to David, then she followed behind. When
she saw David, she bowed down before him, took the blame for the incident, apologized,
explained that she never saw the messengers, and asked for forgiveness (I Sam 25:18-19).
“Nabal is a wicked and ill-tempered man; please don’t pay attention to him” (I Sam 25:25).
1. Abigail continued: You’ve acted righteously up until now. “Even when you are chased by
those who seek your life, you are safe in the care of the Lord your God, secure in his
treasure pouch (I Sam 25:28-29, NLT).
2. The Lord will fulfill his promise to make you Israel’s king, and you don’t want this blemish
on your record—shedding needless blood and taking vengeance. I Sam 25:30-31

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b. David answered: Praise…the God of Israel…Thank God for your good sense! Bless you for
keeping me from murdering the man and carrying out vengeance with my own hands. For I
swear by the Lord God…that if you had not hurried out to meet me, not one of Nabal’s men
would be alive tomorrow morning (I Sam 25:32-34, NLT).
4. Nabal’s treatment of David was sinful, and David didn’t deserve the response he got from the man.
But that didn’t free him from his obligation to obey God’s Law. Note what Lev 19:18 actually says:
Never seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone, but love your neighbor as yourself (NLT).
a. David’s anger over what happened was a normal, appropriate response to disappointment and
injustice, or injury. Anger itself is not sinful, but it must be controlled. Eph 4:26—Be angry
and do not sin (NKJV). If anger drives you to treat someone in a way that you don’t want to be
treated, you’ve stepped outside of love—you’ve sinned.
1. A meek person controls their anger. David didn’t control his anger. Instead, he fed it by
focusing on and talking about what was done to him. He could have said maybe Nabal
misunderstood my message or is having a bad day. Maybe he is an awful person, but God
tells me to treat him as I want to be treated. He tells me not to take revenge.
2. Abigail brought wisdom into the situation. She talked to David the way he should have
talked to himself—God has taken care of you up to now. He’ll keep His Word to you.
Payback is God’s job. God is righteous and just and has all the facts. God will keep His
promise to you. You don’t want this sin on your conscience. Pay no attention to Nabal.
A. How you speak to yourself about the other person and your situation determines in part
how you act. Prov 15:1—A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words only cause
quarrels (TLB); Harsh words stir up anger (NLT). You stir up other people’s anger and
your own anger by the way you talk to them and to yourself.
B. Eph 4:29—Do not use harmful words in talking (to others and to yourself). Use only
helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say
will do good to those who hear you (GNB).
5. It takes humility and meekness to respond to like this. While on earth Jesus told His followers to
turn the other cheek (Matt 5:39). His point is: Don’t repay evil for evil. Resist the urge we all
have to retaliate and get revenge when someone insults us, disrespects us, or mistreats us.
a. Jesus is our example: I Pet 2:23—He did not retaliate when he was insulted. When he suffered,
he did not threaten to get even. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly
(NLT).
b. Just a few lines later, Peter wrote: I Pet 3:8-9—Finally, all of you should be of one mind (NLT)
Love one another as brothers, and be kind and humble with one another (GNB). Don’t repay
evil for evil. Don’t retaliate when people say unkind things about you. Instead, pay them back
with a blessing. That is what God wants you to do (NLT).
D. Conclusion: Only meek and humble people can treat people as Jesus did. We have more to say about
this next week, but consider these thoughts as we close.
1. One problem with a lesson like this is that we all have specific situations where we interact with
difficult people who disrespect us or harm us in some way. And I can only give general principles
and ask the Holy Spirit to help us apply them in our circumstances.
2. But all of us need to become more aware of our attitude toward others, as well as how we talk about
people. We need to stop and think: Do I see myself as better than this person? Do I see them as
valuable to God? Do I really need to say what I am about to say? Would Jesus talk like that?
3. Prov 10:19—Where words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (NIV).
Sometimes we just need to not talk—to ourselves or to anybody else. To be continued…