.
TCC–1288
1
JUDGING AND PUTTING UP WITH PEOPLE
A. Introduction: We’ve been talking about judging others as part of a larger discussion on the importance of
developing Christ-like character—or becoming more and more like Jesus in our thoughts, attitudes, motives,
words, and actions. We have more to say about judging and growing in Christ-likeness in this lesson.
1. We’ve made the point that many people are under the false impression that the Bible tells us not to judge
others. This is incorrect. The Bible doesn’t tell us not to judge, it tells us how to judge.
a. To judge means to form an opinion. Forming opinions about others is a normal, necessary part of
human interaction. The Bible allows the forming opinions (or judging) all the way up to judicial
judgments. However the Bible warns us against a certain type of judging or opinions.
b. We are warned against the habit of forming hasty, condemning, severely critical, harsh, and unjust
judgments (or opinions), without allowing for mitigating circumstances, and then expressing those
opinions (judgments) harshly and unnecessarily. Matt 7:1-5
1. Hasty means judging quickly and without having all the facts. Condemning judgment means
to pronounce guilty, declare to be wrong, and damn to punishment.
2. To be severely critical means you are overly inclined to find fault. Mitigating circumstances
are facts about the situation you’re judging, facts that may partly excuse an offense or mistake,
and make it less severe. But you’re not willing to consider those facts.
2. We’ve made the point that because of Adam’s sin, all human beings are born with a corruption that
inclines us to put ourselves first, above God and above others. We’re all selfish or self-focused. Isa 53:6
a. Selfish human nature wants to find fault, criticize, and condemn because, when we do this, it puts us
above others. By wrongly judging others, we exalt or elevate ourselves. This tendency must be
indentified and dealt with if we’re going to fulfill our created purpose.
1. We were created to become sons and daughters of God, who accurately represent our Heavenly
Father to the world around us through our character (our moral attitudes and behavior).
2. We are called to become Christ-like. Jesus, in His humanity, is the pattern for God’s family.
While on earth, Jesus perfectly expressed the Father’s character and moral attributes.
b. Paul the apostle clearly stated that this is God’s plan for us: Rom 8:29—For God knew his people
in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son (NLT).
1. Paul also wrote: Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of
your calling, for you have been called by God (Eph 4:1, NLT). The Greek word that is
translated worthy means appropriately.
A. Expressing Christ-like character is appropriate behavior for every Christian: Those who
say they live in God should live their lives as Christ did (I John 2:6, NLT).
B. Paul’s statement about living appropriately was not written to a specific individual who
was called to a specific ministry of Christ-likeness. It was written to Christians in general.
2. Matt 11:29—Jesus was humble and meek, and we are also to be humble and meek. The one
who is humble sees himself as a servant of God and a servant of man. The one who is meek is
gentle, controls his anger, and treats others as he wants to be treated.
c. You may wonder what humility and meekness have to do with judging others. Everything we do,
including judging others, must be done with humility and meekness—just as it was with Jesus.
3. Last week we addressed Jesus’ statements about turning the other cheek, going the extra mile, and giving
to those who ask. These statements are found in the Sermon on the Mount, the same teaching where
Jesus dealt with judging others harshly from a position of superiority. Matt 5:39-42
a. We made the point that in His sermon, Jesus wasn’t giving us the “rules and procedures” for
Christian behavior. He was addressing our motives and attitudes toward individuals who wrong us.
b. Jesus urged His listeners: Love your enemies! Do good to them! Lend to them! And don’t be
.
TCC–1288
2
concerned that they might not repay. Then your reward will be very great, and you will truly be
acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to the unthankful and to those who are wicked.
You must be compassionate just as your Father is compassionate (Luke 6:35-36, NLT).
1. Jesus tells us to treat people as God treats us. and as we want to be treated (Matt 7:7-12). He
tells us not to deal with them from a position of superiority. He says give up the desire to get
revenge, and pay people back, for the wrongs done to you.
2. To do this, we must recognize and deal with the tendency we all have to be offended, to
retaliate, to demand our rights, to be resentful and greedy—all of which come out of being self-
focused instead of God focused and other focused.
c. Peter the apostle was present when Jesus taught these things to His followers. Note what Peter
wrote about how to deal with people who have wronged you in some way.
1. I Pet 2:21-23—Christ, who suffered for you, is your example. Follow in his steps…He did not
retaliate when he was insulted. When he suffered, he did not threaten to get even. He left his
case in the hands of God who always judges fairly (NLT).
2. I Pet 3:9—Never return evil for evil or insult for insult—scolding, tongue-lashing, berating; but
on the contrary blessing—praying for their welfare, happiness and protection, and truly pitying
and loving them. For know that to this you have been called (Amp).
d. When your desire is to please and bring honor to your Heavenly Father above all else, and you
realize that people have value to and are loved by God, then your treatment of them will reflect these
motives and attitudes. You will act in a Christ-like way.
4. For the rest of the lesson we’re going to focus on the most common issue we all face in connection with
forming opinions about or judging people—being kind to and patient with people we don’t like.
B. It’s easy to be kind to people we like, people we agree with, and people who don’t annoy us. The challenge
is with those we don’t like, those we disagree with, and those who really get under our skin.
1. We need to realize that we all have weaknesses (infirmities in our personality, and behavior) that annoy
others, and much of what we criticize and judge in other people boils down to personal likes and dislikes.
a. You believe that good friends should call or text each other several times a day. Then you begin a
relationship with someone who only calls or texts once a week, because they believe that more
calls or texts would be inconsiderate of your time. This difference leads you to judge them guilty of
being a bad friend. And they judge you to be inconsiderate and intrusive.
b. You always try to make small talk with people because you want to make them feel cared for. But
Bill gets right to the point, since he believes small talk wastes peoples’ time. When you two
interact, you feel offended because Bill takes no time to make small talk, and you judge Bill to be
rude. Bill is also offended and judges you to be rude, because you wasted his time with small talk.
2. What does Christ-like character look like in these kinds of situations? It means putting up with peoples’
differences, in humility, meekness, and love, with patience and kindness. Consider two passages Paul
wrote about how we’re supposed to treat others who do things we don’t like and people who annoy us.
a. Remember that Jesus taught Paul the message he preached, and that Paul urged Christians to imitate
Christ, just as he himself did. Gal 1:11-12; I Cor 11:1
b. We quoted Paul earlier: Eph 4:1—Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a
life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God (NLT) (Worthy means appropriately).
1. In his next statement, in the context of getting along with other people, Paul describes a life that
appropriately represents the Lord: Eph 4:2—(Live) as becomes you—with complete lowliness
of mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness, mildness), with patience, bearing
with one another and making allowances because you love one another (Amp).
2. Paul also wrote: Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe
.
TCC–1288
3
yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. You must
make allowances for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember,
the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others (Col 3:12-13, NLT).
c. Paul used several different Greek words for patience and making allowances for others. These
words express forbearance (or putting up with) and longsuffering (or suffering long) with people.
1. Vine’s Dictionary of New Testament Words defines longsuffering as a “quality of self-restraint
in the face of provocation which does not hastily retaliate or promptly punish; the opposite of
anger”. Forbearance means to bear with or endure. To forbear literally means to hold self
back. When used figuratively, the word means to put up with.
2. To make allowances means to take account of things that may partly excuse an offense or
mistake (Webster’s Dictionary). You assume that they believe they have a good reason for
how they act, or they don’t realize how annoying they are, or they’re lonely or hurting; etc.
3. To forgive means to give up the right to pay people back. Mercy implies compassion or
forbearance shown to an offender or adversary who has no claim to kindness. Mercy keeps
you from getting what you deserve.
d. Jesus is our example in how to treat people—including putting up with them. Matt 17 recounts an
incident where Jesus’ apostles came to Him because they were unable to cast a devil out of a boy.
1. Jesus’ response to them was: You stubborn, faithless people! How long must I be with you
until you believe? How long must I put up with you? Bring the boy to me (Matt 17:17, NLT).
2. Put up with is one of the same Greek words that Paul used in the verses cited above (suffering
long and putting up with). Jesus was frustrated with His apostles. They’d been with Him for
several years, listening to Him teach and watching His example, and yet were still falling short.
3. Although Jesus was frustrated, He didn’t insult them, humiliate them, or punish them. He
healed the boy and then further instructed the apostles. Matt 17:17-21
3. Jesus summed up how we are to treat others (including when we judge them and interact with them) in
one command: Love them or treat them as you want to be treated. Matt 7:12; Matt 22:39
a. This love is not a feeling. It is an action, a love that thinks: How would I want to be treated if
the roles were reversed, if I was annoying them, if I did something stupid, rude or inconsiderate.
b. This love considers mitigating circumstances and makes allowances because this love believes the
best: Love…is every ready to believe the best of every person (I Cor 13:7, Amp).
1. When someone annoys us we need to take a deep breath, hold our tongue, and begin to think:
How would I want to be treated? They don’t realize how rude and annoying they are. They
believe they have a good reason for what they’re doing.
2. Maybe I don’t have all the facts. I don’t know what circumstances they’re dealing with.
Maybe if I knew their life experience I would understand why they act like this. Maybe they
truly are an inconsiderate, rude person, but they matter to God and He loves them. Lord, help
me to see them and treat them the way you see them and treat them.
c. We make it all about me and what they are doing to me. Why should I put up with this? Our fallen
flesh instinctively goes to my rights, and wants to retaliate or teach them a well deserved lesson.
1. Note what James the apostle wrote: James 1:19-20—Dear friends, be quick to listen, slow to
speak, and slow to get angry. Your anger can never make things right in God’s sight (NLT).
2. Remember that God is in us by His Spirit to strengthen us and help us to follow through on
our choice to walk in love and respond in a Christ-like way as interact with difficult people.
4. These are hard topics to discuss because most of us are dealing with specific situations and challenging
people, and I can only give general principles and ask the Lord to help us specifically apply them.
a. And, as we said last week, there are times when it is appropriate to draw definitive lines, be direct in
relationships, and back away from difficult, challenging, or sinful people.
.
TCC–1288
4
b. But, in these lessons we’re working on how we can develop Christ-like character, motives and
attitudes which affect our behavior. And all of us need work on identifying and turning from
selfishness, toward God and others, in what we say and do, as we interact with difficult people.
C. The people that annoy us may truly be rude, inconsiderate, domineering, selfish, etc. But, as we pointed out,
it may be that they simply do things differently than us. But instead of accepting this difference, we judge
them wrong, and then deal with them from a position of harshness and superiority.
1. We need to realize that our way isn’t necessarily the right way or even the wrong way. It’s just the way
you see it, the way you do it. The Bible makes it clear that it’s okay to dislike or disagree with the way
someone does something, but we can’t deal with them from a position of superiority.
2. Paul dealt with a situation that involved Christians who had very different opinions about certain issues.
In his Epistle to the Romans, Paul addressed these differences and urged them not to judge each other.
We can gain some insight into how to handle these kinds of situations. Rom 14:1-23
a. The church in Rome (the community of believers that developed in the city of Rome) had both Jews
and Gentiles (non-Jews) in it, and this lead to disagreements over a number of religious practices.
b. The Jews, based on their religious practices prior to Jesus, abstained from eating certain meats and
they observed certain days as holy. The Gentiles had no such traditions, and contentions and
judgments arose between the two groups.
3. In his epistle Paul makes it clear that there is room for different opinions on non-sinful issues. (When
the issue is something sinful, something that God says is wrong, we must agree with Him.) We aren’t
going to do a detailed study of this passage, but note some points connected to our topic.
a. Paul wrote: Accept each other and don’t argue about who is right or wrong. Don’t look down on
the man who has a different opinion and practice, because God accepts him. Paul’s emphasis is not
on what the other guy is doing, but on your attitude toward the other guy
b. Paul used the Greek word for judging eight times in this passage. The word is translated judge, but
also translated as despise, look down on, criticize, condemn, pass judgment.
1. Rom 14:3—Let not him who eats look down on or despise him who abstains, and let not him
who abstains criticize and pass judgment on him who eats (Amp).
2. Rom 14:4—Who are you to condemn God’s servants? They are responsible to the Lord, so let
him tell them whether they are right or wrong. The Lord’s power will help them do as they
should (NLT).
3. Rom 14:7-8—For we are not our own master when we live or when we die. While we live, we
live to please the Lord. And when we die, we go to be with the Lord. So in life or death, we
belong to the Lord (NLT).
4. Rom 14:10—Why do you criticize and pass judgment on your brother? Why do you look down
upon or despise your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of God (Amp).
c. Each of us is first and foremost responsible to God. We’ll one say stand before Jesus and give
account of ourselves and what we did—not what the other guy did.
D. Conclusion: Christ-likeness can mean putting up with and suffering long with people. You don’t have to
like, seek out, or hang out with annoying, difficult people, but you do have to be kind and patient with them.
1. Honestly consider: Why do you do what you do—for your glory or God’s, for the good of others or for
your good? How do you view the people you interact with—as idiots not worth your time, or as those
who are loved by and valuable to God? Ask God to help you see people as He sees them.
2. All these traits are connected (humility, meekness, longsuffering, kindness, forgiveness). Christianity
is more than keeping a list of rules and procedures. It’s the spirit or motive and attitude behind the
action. It’s expressing Christ-like character in and through every action you take. More next week!
